My Week in Thank-yous instead of Fuck-yous
1. Thank you for sending me a Hallmark e-card (when you care enough to send the very best) to tell me that you're pregnant. It inspired fuck.doc, a work of which I am proud. I'm proud of the anger. I'm proud of the love. I'm proud that I can do both and feel good about it.
2. Thank you for sending a thank-you note lacking any real emotion. It made me realize that things are not o.k. and that they probably never will be. And that it's not our fault.
3. Thank you for calling me to yell at me for caring about you. What else to say but, "I need you in my life. I really need you in my life. Could you please come up with a plan?" And you wanting to talk through the desperation of the binge. It made me realize that having a relationship with a drug addict is difficult, if not impossible because we can't get past the haze. We can't get past all of the memories created while high, created while not high. It made me realize that the problem is bigger than the problem. It inspired a post to this blog. It opened doors that had not been open before. Thank you.
4. Thank you violin guy for mesmerizing my daughter and for being just enough on this side of things for me to want another lesson from you.
5. Thank you Gerrit for standing in the doorway with your hat askew and your coat puffy, eliciting life. Thank you Patrick (I think it was Patrick) for pointing this image out to me. And thank you for explaining to me the difference between solstice and equinox. I needed to understand.
6. Thank you Amanda for every time that I am with you reminding me of what the point is. Especially the point about pictures. My mother taking them to feel, or not to feel, but in the end, rendering herself dead.
7. Thank you Mike for getting me thinking about my mother and pictures in the first place. And for sending that picture of The Clash for Tad. Of you in adoration. People do have heroes. See #1.
8. Thank you Susan for not being afraid to dive in.
9. Thank you Greg for drawing that bear in the bathroom. Thank you Lucy for drawing a picture of Emmett crying.
10. Thank you Tad for trying to understand. Understanding my need to write fuck.doc. Immediately. Understanding a need for beer. More beer. Monday night at the bar. Understanding that it's o.k. to not understand.
11. Thank you Cole and Aidan, always, for showing me what's possible rather than what's impossible.
12. Thank you for reading this ridiculously sappy post.
13. Thank you thirteen. For being lucky.
And thank you Aidan for covering the upstairs floor and your brother with water while I was writing this.
2. Thank you for sending a thank-you note lacking any real emotion. It made me realize that things are not o.k. and that they probably never will be. And that it's not our fault.
3. Thank you for calling me to yell at me for caring about you. What else to say but, "I need you in my life. I really need you in my life. Could you please come up with a plan?" And you wanting to talk through the desperation of the binge. It made me realize that having a relationship with a drug addict is difficult, if not impossible because we can't get past the haze. We can't get past all of the memories created while high, created while not high. It made me realize that the problem is bigger than the problem. It inspired a post to this blog. It opened doors that had not been open before. Thank you.
4. Thank you violin guy for mesmerizing my daughter and for being just enough on this side of things for me to want another lesson from you.
5. Thank you Gerrit for standing in the doorway with your hat askew and your coat puffy, eliciting life. Thank you Patrick (I think it was Patrick) for pointing this image out to me. And thank you for explaining to me the difference between solstice and equinox. I needed to understand.
6. Thank you Amanda for every time that I am with you reminding me of what the point is. Especially the point about pictures. My mother taking them to feel, or not to feel, but in the end, rendering herself dead.
7. Thank you Mike for getting me thinking about my mother and pictures in the first place. And for sending that picture of The Clash for Tad. Of you in adoration. People do have heroes. See #1.
8. Thank you Susan for not being afraid to dive in.
9. Thank you Greg for drawing that bear in the bathroom. Thank you Lucy for drawing a picture of Emmett crying.
10. Thank you Tad for trying to understand. Understanding my need to write fuck.doc. Immediately. Understanding a need for beer. More beer. Monday night at the bar. Understanding that it's o.k. to not understand.
11. Thank you Cole and Aidan, always, for showing me what's possible rather than what's impossible.
12. Thank you for reading this ridiculously sappy post.
13. Thank you thirteen. For being lucky.
And thank you Aidan for covering the upstairs floor and your brother with water while I was writing this.
posted by Jane | 1:42 PM
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